My Truth - How Grief has affected me . . . .

I never imagined this would happen to me, or that grief could affect me the way it has. You don’t truly understand it until it reaches into your own life. Like I’ve shared before, we were a very close family, and losing my parents broke my heart in a way I still can’t fully explain. It affected me profoundly, not just emotionally, but physically and in my soul.

Grief didn’t arrive quietly. Sometimes I could laugh and joke, and the next I can completely shut down. Sometimes I wanted solitude and don't want to bother anyone. Other times I want to talk to everyone, only to disappear again for weeks. My sleep disappeared, then slowly returned. My appetite vanished. I lost 30–35 pounds from the stress and anxiety alone. After my mom passed, the weight dropped quickly. After my dad passed, I stopped eating altogether. I didn’t plan it. My body simply shut it down. Only recently have I been able to eat again.

The grief also showed up in my body in ways I never expected. I became physically weak. When I was faced with the reality of my mother’s condition, I broke down in disbelief in the main concourse outside the ICU, screaming in front of strangers. When my father went into cardiac arrest in front of me, my legs gave out completely and my brother had to carry me out of the room. Later, when I heard my aunt had passed, my knees buckled again and my body locked up. I almost collapsed onto my brother-in-law. At that point, I simply couldn’t bear hearing any more bad news.

My fibromyalgia and chronic nerve pain flared intensely under the stress, leaving me so stiff at times I could barely move. Grief didn’t stay in my head or my heart. It took over my entire body. It consumed me.

I share this not for sympathy, but for honesty. Grief doesn’t look one way. It doesn’t follow rules or timelines. Sometimes it’s quiet. Sometimes it’s loud. Sometimes it’s invisible. Sometimes it brings you to your knees, literally.

This is why The Coping Club exists. Because grief is real, messy, physical, emotional, and deeply human. And because no one should feel alone in it.

I miss them with everything I have.